My Great Escape on Christmas (2 years ago)

by Sanela K. Dec. 29, 2020

"This is who I am: Escapist, Paradise Seeker."

- Nightwish (The Escapist)

Once upon a time.......... I felt like this!

Well, whom am I kidding, I still feel like an Escapist! 😆

"Run away little girl, run away!" - said Santa to me on a Christmas 2 years ago! 🎅

The good old man from The North Pole was right! 😅

I always loved Christmas! Always loved Jesus, Christmas trees, all the decorations, family events, and also going out with my friends for Christmas! Those were such fun days! Or better to say NIGHTS! Celebrating Christmas with old friends I haven't seen for a year, after midnight! 😍

When I wasn't old like I am now!

Well, after a natural disaster 6 years ago (read: we all lost our homes because of the flooded river), I was in a pretty bad state of life. I just started my studies while I had the money to pay for ONLY ONE YEAR of my college.

But, even in that bad life situation and bad state of mind, I trusted the Big Guy, God, and He never let me down. Even though I had the money for only one year of studies, He managed to made me able to finish all my years of schooling! Don't ask how. It was hard, but I did it. 😊

That year, I had met my ex boyfriend who I started to live with. Well, it's not such a love story, more like a life experience 😂

Anyhow, from that point, every Christmas I wasn't meeting my family on Christmas Eve or my friends, like I had in the past. I was with him, serving dinner for his family. Because, that's what women do - why are you suppose to be with your family for Christmas when his is more important! He is a man! 😵😵😵😵

Yes, it was like that! I couldn't fight it because I was in such a weird state of mind and not in a good place mentally. Even though, the whole time I was thinking: oh, this is not a life I imagined. But people were saying that's the right way to live my life. I thought, maybe I am the weird one?!?!?!?!?! This is the life, wake up, you were a dreamer, this is reality!!!! 😮

Now, so many years later I am telling you: NO, I WASN'T JUST A SILLY DREAMER AND NO, THAT WASN'T A NORMAL LIFE!!!!!!!!!

Even Christmas became strange and weird. Which is such a pity!!!!!

And that's how events led to my worst Christmas story: My Great Escape 😑

It started those 2 years ago, when I finally realized that "togetherness" with my ex isn't good for me and was keeping me away from actually LIVING MY OWN LIFE.

We had visited my godparents, together with my parents and we had a "nice time".

The night before, I had a chance and met my old friends, and finally I was truly happy for a short time. Because, prior to that one night with friends, for 3 years in a row, I hadn't done anything that made me truly happy, I didn't spend any quality time with people I care about and I didn't celebrate anything like I did in the past. I was in a world poisioned with "love" and extreme jealousy. When I say love, it means, yes love, but too much possessive love. It put me in a cage called "wifey" and poisioned me with expectations of others for my own life.

As my ex and I had been together for 3,5 years, our families and everyone else expected us to get married and have kids. Expectations are okay as long as other people don't try to push you so hard that they make all other people satisfied, except yourself! 😉

So, that Christmas was really full of everything except for joy and happiness, like it's supposed to be. And the mad Grinch who stole Christmas for everyone was ME. 😂😂😂

I was that mad Grinch who didn't want to stay locked in my cage any longer! So it was I who stole the "Christmas expectations" from my ex boyfriend and my family! 😂😂😂

It was pretty hard! We were all together, and I was supposed to meet my friends again, who were leaving soon (after the whole day with my ex and my family).

Well, why would a good girl visit HER FRIENDS while she has a boyfriend ?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!! That's not what good girls do!!!! 😅😅😅😅😅😅

You are not supposed to spend time with your friends while having a "future husband"!!!!! 😅😅😅😅😅😅

Oh, gosh! That was such a drama, drama, drama! But you are all used to it in my blog stories up till now! You know my life is full of drama 😂

The family was angry at me, my ex was playing the nice guy who wanted to spend time with them (actually only wanted to keep me in a "safe place", just in front if his eyes, in order not to be jealous), and I was devastated! I was crying. I was angry. I was bitter inside because all of them were convinced that I am the problem and he is such a nice guy. Well, I told them to switch places with me and try to live with him for a while. It was useless! I was still that GRINCH who stole Christmas! But, also the Grinch who's life had been stolen from her. What nobody was even noticing. 😉

Our families want only what is good for us, but sometimes they don't see the bigger picture.

I ended up in tears, and on our way home I said to my ex "thank you for the worst Christmas ever." I wanted Santa to come and steal me away from my life! 😂😂😂😂😂

Such a bad old guy was Santa that year! He didn't even leave me a present that year. Well, I was called a Grinch, so I guess Santa thought I didn't deserve any presents 😂😂😂😂😂

He had been lied to about me 😅😅😅😅😅

I couldn't imagine before that such a happy day like Christmas could turn into my nightmare only because I had the wrong person by my side.

My desire to escape that "cage" was growing bigger and bigger! I knew I was gonna run away someday, but when?

Santa wasn't coming to save me. It would be up to me!

Well, I didn't know I am gonna become Miss Claus, but if I did, I would have run away long before Christmas that year! 😅😅😅

After that night, I think my family lost every hope for me to get married.

I don't really think they imagined me as a 26 year old Miss Claus 😂😂😂

So, all of their expectations have fallen apart!

I just don't understand who wouldn't like to have a Miss Claus in their family??? 😅😅😅 I always wanted one! I didn't get her brought to me, so I made Miss. Claus of myself 😎😎😎😎😎

Well, while other good Croatian girls are getting married before their 25th birthday, I am sliding through chimneys in my Christmas costume and the best over the knee thigh boots ever while delivering presents and saying: HO-HO-HO! 😎